


Owari Desu (It's over)

by vogue91



Category: Arashi (Band), Japanese Actor RPF, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Hurt, M/M, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 17:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14337210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “We’re together because of you, Kazunari. We’re together because you need someone to vent your frustration on.” she sighed and paused. “We’re together because you need me, because you’re convinced you’re straight.”





	Owari Desu (It's over)

Nino was tired.

Tired of his life, tired of shootings, tired of concerts, tired of interviews, tired of shows, tired of never having a free moment.

And tired of her.

It had been too long since he’d started dating Masami, so long that he couldn’t remember why he had.

He remembered that when he’d met her she gave off a nice feeling: she smiled, vaguely shy. A simple girl. And he, like now, desperately needed that simplicity.

When they had started seeing each other, it hadn’t been easy on neither of them.

Showing themselves in public was a risk, and it was rare that the exhausting schedule of him coincided with the exhausting schedule of her.

But, somehow, they had survived those four years, with their highs and lows, between fights, incomprehension, moments where they both wanted to give up and run from the other, like they were a prison to themselves.

But they had gotten out of all of that; they were wounded but they were together, despite everything.

Until the cheating had started.

Nino bit down on his lip. He had never deemed himself a particularly faithful person, but he had never thought he could come to the point of being so disgusted by himself, because he had realized that he didn’t even hesitate anymore.

Whenever he had the chance he took it, and didn’t think twice about it.

There were no contacts, there were no names. If he was drunk enough, there weren’t faces either.

He just knew that at those times he felt like he was evading his life, and he couldn’t even tell why he wanted to.

Masami wasn’t faithful either, not at all; but Nino had always seen her betrayals as a comeback to his, like a way to keep a seeming dignity, the same that wasn’t in their relationship anymore.

It had gone on like this for too long, in a vicious cycle, too fast for one of them or both to find the time, the strength or the will to stop.

But Nino was tired. Too much.

He wanted out, without hurting himself too much, nor her.

There were still too many fresh wounds on them.

 

~

 

They met at her house.

Another one of those meetings that had to go unnoticed by the press, by everyone.

Another thing Nino was tired of, but the only one he had resigned to.

Every relationship he would ever had would’ve made the tabloids, and would’ve made his life a hell.

And so he had to hide something that was natural to anyone else.

When Masami went to the door, he noticed right away that the shadows under her eyes seemed deeper than the last time he had seen her, but he wasn’t surprised: he was aware that he must’ve looked more or less the same.

“Hi, Kazunari.” she said, her smile not lasting long enough to convince Nino of its honesty. She got close to kiss him, more out of routine than desire; or, at least, that’s what he thought.

“Hi, Masami.” he said, tired. He took his shoes off and got in, going to collapse on the couch, as usual. She sat next to him, bending her knees and resting her head against her hands.

It was small gestures they kept doing over and over again, and Nino didn’t know if he would’ve missed them or not.

“You said you wanted to talk… did something happen?” she asked, defensive.

As if she had something to hide, but Nino thought they both had so many secrets to keep from the other that he didn’t even know where to start.

“No. Nothing happened. I just wanted to talk.” he replied, careful. He tried to choose his words, but he knew that there weren’t right ones.

Masami frowned and kept quiet, and Nino took advantage of it to look at her. Perhaps it was his imagination, but she looked aged. Perhaps the tiredness, perhaps the lack of sleep. Perhaps the fact that she didn’t smile anymore like she used to, and for a moment he wondered if he was the cause.

He shrugged, as to drive away those thoughts, and averted his gaze.

“Masami... why are we together?” he asked abruptly, and to hell with all the speech he had prepared.

The girl opened her eyes wide for a moment, then laughed and hit his arm.

“Well... I think that’s because we enjoy being together, right?” she said, doing nothing to mask how nervous she was.

Nino rubbed his face, frustrated.

He had always hated that in Masami.

Always wanting to pretend everything was alright.

It was something he hated.

“Are we, Masami?” he asked, sarcastic. “And how do we enjoy it? Never seeing each other? Ignoring each other? Cheating as if the other wasn’t a part of our life?”

Masami bit her lip, then became serious, something that Nino didn’t get to see very often.

“We’re together because of you, Kazunari. We’re together because you need someone to vent your frustration on.” she sighed and paused. “We’re together because you need me, because you’re convinced you’re straight.” she finished.

It took Nino a second to process her last words.

_Straight._

He felt like laughing.

He had been with a few men. He had been attracted to them and had never found any particular reason to back out from it.

But he had always been sure he liked women better. He didn’t even know why; perhaps it was more natural to him, perhaps it was just easier; perhaps because they approached him and not the contrary, and it was so damn simple.

He had never thought too much about his sexual preferences.

When he liked a man, he slept with a man.

When he liked a woman, he slept with a woman.

“I’m not convinced I’m straight. If I’ve been with you this whole time it’s because I like you as a person, not as a woman. If you had been a man, it wouldn’t have changed anything.” he replied, seeing her shaking her head as if she didn’t believe him.

“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about Ohno-kun.” he whispered, as if she was afraid to say that name, afraid of consequences, afraid of his reaction.

Nino froze.

“What does Ohno have to do with this?” he asked, calm. Too calm.

“Do you think I’m stupid, Kazunari?” her tone was higher now, clear sign she was getting mad. It didn’t happen often, Nino didn’t know how to react. He chose to keep quiet, letting her talk.

He wanted to know what was going through her mind, as if it could clarify what was going through his own.

“Every time you’re with him it’s like the rest of the world disappears. Even when we’re together and he calls or mails you, you estrange yourself. And then... there’s the way you look at him.” he pointed out, her face tired, sad.

“He’s a friend, nothing more. Everything I do it’s perfectly normal.” he replied, suddenly cold.

“It’s not normal. He’s not just a friend, Kazunari. He’s something more, you can see it from a mile away. And the fact that up to this point I’ve decided to ignore it doesn’t mean that I didn’t see it. I don’t know what you feel, but I know that he’s a step higher than everybody else.”

Nino was quiet, still.

He loved Ohno. Not more than he did the others but... differently.

He liked everything he did. Being with him made him feel good, under any circumstance, even those times where he wouldn’t have stood anyone else.

But... until then he had never thought that it was something that could be listed as something different from simple friendship.

Masami’s words had hurt him, and had shown him a truth that he didn’t know if it was such, but that deserved some thinking.

“It’s over, Masami.” he murmured, hating himself because he couldn’t say anything else, because he didn’t have anything else to say, because there was nothing left of the years spent together.

The girl’s eyes became watery, but she didn’t cry.

Nino knew it, she knew it as well.

He got up for the last time and went to the door.

He wished he could’ve looked back, but he knew that then he would’ve wavered, he would’ve wondered if it was the right thing to do, if he couldn’t do something to fix that relic their relationship had become.

When he closed the door behind his back, he knew it was truly over.

That he had a little more freedom, suffocated by too many regrets.

A freedom limited by the girl’s words.

_Straight._

_Ohno._

_He’s not just a friend, Kazunari._

Nino was tired.

He felt like he didn’t even have time to think.

He sighed, and closed his eyes for a moment.

He wasn’t convinced he was straight. He wasn’t convinced Ohno was just a friend. He wasn’t convinced about what he had had with Masami, nor of the way it had ended.

He knew nothing anymore.


End file.
